whining

is sometimes ok...

i miss camp. so much.
i literally cried today. i haven't cried like that in years. probably not since my grandpa died.

i am so ready for summer to be over. so i can put it out of sight, out of mind. anything that would help....

it would be easy if i could just do that. just cut all ties to that place and move on...

but i know i can't.... i never could. not in a million years.

i need someone to tell me its going to be ok, but not to tell me that this is God's plan and that if i was meant to work at camp then i would. Why would God plan that. i refuse to believe God wants me in this much pain.

i need to believe that.